My Testimony

My Testimony - Part 2 The Deaf & Dumb Spirit

And he asked his father, How long is it ago since this came unto him? And he said, Of a child. And ofttimes it hath cast him into the fire, and into the waters, to destroy him: but if thou canst do any thing, have compassion on us, and help us. Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.  Mark 9:21-23

I was plagued with the Deaf and Dumb Spirit from the age of 4 until 14 years old, when in a fit of fearful rage, I raised my fist to God and said, "Stop bleeping doing this to me!" In that instant I felt a tingle surge down my spine as I felt the seizure leave my body.
 
The Bible story of the child with the Deaf & Dumb spirit best summarizes my spiritual experiences as a child between the ages of 4 and 14 years old. But let me make it clear by saying, I do not then assume that all seizures are due to oppression by unclean spirits because I do believe we can have a variety of seizures that can be triggered by a number of different factors, including diet, fluid intake, a chemical imbalance, lack of sleep, brain damage, trauma, stress, anxiety and depression. And in my most recent stint in hospital I learned from a fellow patient who was receiving ECT (Electroconvulsive Therapy) that this therapy is used to induce seizures, with the goal of causing memory loss of particularly traumatic memories, that a person would prefer to forget.
 
I have personally experienced most of these different causes and have had to learn to monitor them all very closely to avoid any further hospitalizations. But none of this negates the first cause in my case, of the Deaf & Dumb spirit.
 
I was 22 when I first learned from my mum, that she also always believed that my particular seizures were of a spiritual nature. Going back to my very first seizure, my mum recalled the details as she re-enacted them to me. One of the questions I had asked her was if you could tell from the outside, how terrified I was while having a seizure. This had always been an important question for me, because from within my body I had always imagined myself looking like a sleepy zombie, like Sleepy from the Seven Dwarfs. To have mum assure me that the terror was written all over my face was weirdly comforting. It really helped me to feel like I wasn't going through this hell alone. And the more I've heard stories by my siblings and relatives over the years the more it's helped me to understand that we were all going through it together on some level. It was traumatizing for everyone who witnessed them, to some degree or another. But the onus would be on me to find out as much as I could about them, make sense of them, and then have the courage to find the words, to share what I've learned to the best of my ability.
 
This is probably the part I find hardest of all. Communicating my experiences and lessons learned in a way that benefits the reader. Coz this is not a story of tragedy or hopelessness, although it often felt like both many times throughout my life. For me this is a story of Triumph of Hope, Faith and Love in the face of all adversity. It is hard to retell such intimate details of my life without getting caught up in the emotional memory of the trying times. But again, the voice of the Lord assures me that sharing my story is worth it, not just for me but for the reader as well.  This is certainly my hope and my prayer.